Back to Basics

As all of us are aware, there is a global pandemic.  It has touched all of our daily lives in some way or another.  People are working from home, homeschooling their children, churches have gone totally online; life is different.  One of the biggest changes for many people, myself included, is how we have gotten closer to God during this crisis.  We have become more in-tune with His voice, we have been reading Scripture more, tuning into online services, listening to podcasts.  In the stillness that now is life, we have opened our ears to hear Him.

Before the pandemic hit my area, God had already started dealing with me in one particular area that needed His attention and His touch: performance.  Performance in the sense of doing tasks with the focus of pleasing others and gaining their approval.

I hadn’t realized how much I was operating under performance until God pointed it out to me.  Performance can be a tricky thing.  I like doing a good job, the best job I can.  I thrive on doing a job well.  There is nothing wrong with doing a task well.  The issue comes when the reason you’re doing the task becomes more about pleasing others than pleasing God. And that is where I had unknowingly slipped into.

The problem with performing to please others is that when you make a mistake, and you will because you’re not perfect, your self-worth can take a huge hit.  This happened to me more than I care to admit, but one particular situation floored me for over a week.  I couldn’t stop replaying the scenario in my head.  I started overthinking everything, every conversation, everything that came before and after.  I immediately felt worthless.  I began to believe that God was wrong about me.  I wasn’t gifted.  I wasn’t talented.  I had nothing to offer.  In short: I spiraled.  And God, in the only way that He can, reached down and pulled me out before I drowned in a sea of self-pity and self-doubt.

One particular day when I was in the darkest place in my thoughts, and I just couldn’t stop crying, God spoke to me: “If you stopped doing everything in this moment and never served again, I would still love you.”

That sentence wrecked me.  With those words, God showed me His heart. He loved me just because. There is nothing I can do or could ever do to earn His love. Even if I never accepted Jesus as my Savior, God would still love me. God loves the saint and the sinner alike. He loves me just because He does. Period. No and, if or but about it. He just loves me.  He just LOVES ME. Even if I make a critical mistake: He loves me. Even if I just sat in a chair Sunday after Sunday: He loves me. Even if I never did another task for anyone else ever again: He loves me.

I wanted to sit in that moment forever, bask in His love and never leave it.  I was looking forward to the rest the stay-at-home order promised when the pandemic hit my city.  I had a Bible picked out, several books, blocks of time I could just sit and be with God.  I was eager to just be still.

It didn’t quite work out that way, though.  In the crisis, other people were grasping for the same thing I was. People were flocking to find hope and comfort in the crisis.  As such, the work of  the global church vamped up.  We had to adapt to church online and produce like we had never produced before.

In this moment, I had a choice: do I sit or do I serve? God would love me the same if I chose to sit and just bask in His presence.  He had told me so.  And it was in that moment that I realized something heart changing: because of His love for me, I wanted to serve.

In the serving, in the increase of responsibility and tasks, I found the core of why I ever started serving to begin with. Because HE loves ME. Because He loves me the way He does and doesn’t demand for me to do to earn His love, I wanted to serve HIM.  Because there wasn’t anything I could do to make Him love me more, I wanted to serve Him. Because there isn’t a mistake I could make that would make Him love me less, I wanted to serve Him.

I realized that I had unintentionally placed the focus on my serving in earning His love and in the validation of others.  There is no way to earn His love.  There is nothing we can do to earn it, because He loves us just because He does.  Just the same, the validation of others is nice, and it’s needed, but it cannot be the source of why we serve. It cannot be what propels us to keep going, to keep pushing, to keep doing, because one day it won’t be enough. That validation won’t be there and your self-worth will falter and you will crumble.

The source of why we serve must be rooted in His love for us and our love for Him.  We have to remember why we serve. We don’t serve to earn His love, or validation from others, or self-worth. We serve simply because He loves us, and when we bask in His love, accept it and believe it, there is nothing we wouldn’t do for Him.

“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance…I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary, but I have this against you: that you have abandoned the love you had at first.  Remember where you have fallen, and repent.” Revelation 2:1-29.

In this Scripture, we see a people who are doing the work. They are being faithful, enduring, holding onto God’s truths and doing the work that needs to be done without fail, but they lost what was most important: the love they first had.

Serving during this pandemic has renewed me. It has reminded me of what HE says about me. It has brought me back to my first love.  Now that I have remembered the love I first had in serving, I never want to serve any other way again.   I wanted rest, but God wanted to renew and refresh me through serving with a pure heart, a heart aligned with His.  That is the rest I needed and my heart craved.

A heart willing to serve not for any other reason but one: Love.

That Spark You Have…

So my 22 month old is really into Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse right now. I blame his older brothers…BUT, it really is a beautiful movie. If you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want any spoilers, stop reading now!

The protagonist of this animated marvel is a young boy named Miles Morales. He is an extremely gifted young man and the Universe picks him to be the next Spiderman in his dimension. (I’m not proclaiming this as sound theology, but bear with me).

Miles has a father who is a police officer. His dad is stern, strong and pushes his son to be the best, as his son resists him every step of the way.

In one scene of the movie, his father goes to speak to his son as his son sits behind a closed door. His father opens his heart up in an attempt to improve their strained relationship and he says this line: “I see this spark in you. It’s amazing. That’s why I push you. But it’s yours.”

That line always grips my heart.

That spark you have, that gifting God has placed in you, is yours. Every single person around you can see it, can try to pull it out of you, can push you to use it, but it’s yours to do with as you want.

One of the hardest things parents, friends, leaders have to do is step back and let people choose to use their giftings and talents…or not.

Everyone around you can see it, can call it out, can nurture it…but only YOU can choose what you do with it.

That spark in you is yours to do with as you wish. What do you want to do with it?

With Love,

Cinder

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.”              1 Peter 4:10

What is God telling You to Build?

In my last blog, I shared what God had showed me through the Biblical account of Noah. One of the points I discussed was Noah’s determination to build what God had instructed him to build.

In Genesis, Chapter 6, we see God give Noah detailed instructions of exactly what and how to build an ark because a global flood was coming. Noah believed God and obeyed God even though he had no idea what his building would actually produce in the end or how long it would take.

This caught my attention because many times we find ourselves in the same boat (pun intended). God tells us to build, but the end result is a mystery to us.

But just like God told Noah to build because a flood was coming, He tells us to build in preparation for the future as well. So, what is God telling you to build?

In the story of Noah, the ark saved him, his family and the world from total destruction. And because Noah obeyed and believed and built, the flood didn’t destroy him. Because he obeyed, believed and built, he was prepared and the flood instead carried him and the seed of future generations into the next season.

I encourage you to lean into God’s presence and ask Him what He wants you to build. Ask Him for detailed instructions on how to build it.

It may be building your finances. If we build our Biblical stewardship, when provision falls upon us, the overflow will not lead us into a love of a lifestyle and spending. Building good stewardship now will save us from debt and carry us into giving and prosperity for future generations.

What if it’s building your marriage? God has specifics on how to build a healthy, strong marriage that can withstand any flood that comes its way. If we take careful consideration of God’s instructions for building our marriage, it will produce happy, well rounded children, a strong community, and spouses working together instead of against one another.

God asks us to build His church. Scripture also outlines very clearly how we are to build up His people: with love, mercy, and edification. So build a community for His people to continue carrying the Gospel of Christ.

Take heed of what God is telling you to build. You may not know exactly how everything will turn out in the end, but if we obey and believe, whatever we build will protect us from the floods this life on earth can bring.

That is God’s heart for us, to protect us, save us, carry us into new seasons and new opportunities.

So, keep building, because the flood is coming.

With Love,

Cinder

“By faith Noah, being warned by God about things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household…” Hebrews 11:7

The Other Side of Breakthrough

Have you ever thought, “How much longer until I see something happen?” “Is God even listening to me?” “Am I being punished?”

You are not alone.

We’ve all heard the testimonies of miraculous breakthrough. A debt paid off by an anonymous donor, someone receiving a job promotion they weren’t even looking for, a miraculous healing, being freed from addiction instantly. The stories are endless. But if you are on the other side of breakthrough, especially if you have been waiting for years and years, these stories can leave you asking, “What about me? When is it my turn? Has God forgotten about me?”

That is where my husband and I are. We are on the other side of breakthrough. So although our hearts rejoice with our brothers and sisters when we hear their stories of breakthrough, we can sometimes feel forgotten by God.

We both know that God has not forgotten us. We both know God has good plans for us. So instead of festering in those feelings of despair, we chose to seek Him more.

Recently, God led me to Genesis Chapter 6. The story of Noah. It is such a strange passage when you are praying for breakthrough. But nonetheless, God led me there.

I read the passage several times, lingering there and letting the well-known story tumble in my spirit. And then, the revelation slowly came.

Most of us know the story well. God is fed up with the wickedness of man. He tells Noah a flood is coming and gave him detailed instructions on how to build an ark that would save him, his family and nature.

What God showed me in the story of Noah was, one, a faithful obedience. Many theologians suggest Noah had never even seen rain before the flood. Yet he faithfully obeyed God’s detailed instructions in the midst of possible ridicule because he believed God that a flood would come.

He not only faithfully obeyed God, he faithfully obeyed God for a LONG time. It is theorized it took Noah between 55 and 75 years to complete the ark!! That is a long time to wait. That is a long time to build. That is a long time to endure.

The second thing God showed me was that not only did Noah obey, but he had the boldness to build something he had never built before. And to go even further, he built something he had never even seen before. This was a totally new experience for him. He probably had no idea what this thing would look like until he actually finished it. His only blueprint was God’s word. (Let that sink in for a bit). Sometimes all we have is God’s word. But that is more than enough to build something amazing.

God also taught me that once Noah had built what God had instructed him to build, God brought the animals to him. Noah didn’t have to go hunting for them. After Noah obeyed and built and the structure was ready, God brought the provision to Noah: animals that would provide food and clothing and a thriving ecosystem for his family and all of humanity until this day.

And finally, Noah **believed** God. And his belief that what God said was true and that it would happen fueled him to be faithful, to obey and to build. No matter how long it took or how many people doubted and laughed, Noah believed and built with full confidence that the flood was coming. And this mindset saved him, his family, the earth and all of humanity. The flood that could have destroyed him, instead carried him into the next season because he built what God told him to build.

I could have chosen to wait to write this after our breakthrough came and be a great testiomy of God’s awesomeness, but I wanted to speak to you who are still waiting, still hoping, still praying; you who are wondering if God has forgotten you; you who have been waiting for years and have seen nothing change in your favor while it seems everyone around you is relishing in answered prayers.

To you, and to myself, I say: remain faithful, be obedient, be bold, keep believing and keep building. The flood is coming.

With Love,
Cinder

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” -Hebrews 10:23

There Will Be Other Opportunities

It was an insignificant comment spoken by our Creative Team Director, Josh Engler, during a vocal rehearsal when the decision was made to scrap a vocal solo that wasn’t quite working out. It wasn’t spoken during a time of prayer or during a worship service. It didn’t have any spiritual purpose behind it. At the time, I thought nothing of it. I didn’t see any real significance in those words, but throughout the rest of the rehearsal and all the way home, that comment kept popping up in my thoughts. And over the next several weeks, God unpacked that insignificant comment into something significant.

“There will be other opportunities.”

At the time they were spoken by Josh, he had made the decision to take out a vocal solo part from the worship set. The vocalist who had been looking forward to singing it would no longer have the opportunity to use their talent at that time. I don’t know how much time and effort was put into fine tuning that part. I’m not aware of how much anticipation that vocalist had built up about having the opportunity to sing that solo. But it didn’t work out. The opportunity in that moment was gone.

But in that insignificant comment, “There will be other opportunities,” Josh unknowingly revealed the heart of God towards us.

Josh Engler – Creative Director

I’m just going to be real and let you all know, that I know the sting of disappointment that we can feel with a missed opportunity. I understand all too well what it feels like when you think you’ve been looked over or thought less of or not good enough or not worthy enough… not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough…

We begin to ask questions like: “What about me?”, “Why wasn’t I chosen for that?”, “Am I not good enough?”, “Am I wasting my time on this team?”, “Do I even fit in here?”

The thoughts begin to swirl in our heads and we start answering those questions by ourselves from a place of hurt. The people God has placed around us to collaborate with, we begin to see as competition. Instead of focusing on God, we focus on our flaws and start to compare ourselves. Our hearts harden and we become cynical. It happens so inconspicuously many times, because instead of taking that disappointment to God, we let it fester.

We can forget in the moments of a missed opportunity, that God’s timing is perfect. His placement is perfect. For us, it’s a missed opportunity, but perhaps for God it is not. For God it could be a perfectly timed opportunity for us to TRUST in Him and His timing and His placement. To believe that He who has gifted us, placed us and determined every step of our existence has every opportunity under His control.

When we take a missed opportunity as an opportunity to rest and trust in God and confide in His plans for us, we can be glad for others who get the opportunities that we do not, because we understand that man did not give them that opportunity, GOD did. You see, just like God has a perfectly timed opportunity for you, He also has a perfectly timed opportunity for others. Just like He wants to use your gifts and talents, He wants to use the gifts and talents of others. The way those gifts and talents are used and displayed are at HIS disposal. Not ours. And no man on this earth can ever stop God from giving us the opportunity to use them.

A missed opportunity can be disappointing, yes. It can be disheartening and discouraging. But we can go to God with that and unload it onto Him and He will gather us close and let us know that He’s got it under control. The door has not been shut on us. When we fully trust in God that HE is the giver of opportunity, we can change our mindset of competition and comparison into a mindset of collaboration and celebration.

You ARE good enough, you ARE useful, you DO have purpose, you ARE chosen and…there WILL be other opportunities.

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