What is God telling You to Build?

In my last blog, I shared what God had showed me through the Biblical account of Noah. One of the points I discussed was Noah’s determination to build what God had instructed him to build.

In Genesis, Chapter 6, we see God give Noah detailed instructions of exactly what and how to build an ark because a global flood was coming. Noah believed God and obeyed God even though he had no idea what his building would actually produce in the end or how long it would take.

This caught my attention because many times we find ourselves in the same boat (pun intended). God tells us to build, but the end result is a mystery to us.

But just like God told Noah to build because a flood was coming, He tells us to build in preparation for the future as well. So, what is God telling you to build?

In the story of Noah, the ark saved him, his family and the world from total destruction. And because Noah obeyed and believed and built, the flood didn’t destroy him. Because he obeyed, believed and built, he was prepared and the flood instead carried him and the seed of future generations into the next season.

I encourage you to lean into God’s presence and ask Him what He wants you to build. Ask Him for detailed instructions on how to build it.

It may be building your finances. If we build our Biblical stewardship, when provision falls upon us, the overflow will not lead us into a love of a lifestyle and spending. Building good stewardship now will save us from debt and carry us into giving and prosperity for future generations.

What if it’s building your marriage? God has specifics on how to build a healthy, strong marriage that can withstand any flood that comes its way. If we take careful consideration of God’s instructions for building our marriage, it will produce happy, well rounded children, a strong community, and spouses working together instead of against one another.

God asks us to build His church. Scripture also outlines very clearly how we are to build up His people: with love, mercy, and edification. So build a community for His people to continue carrying the Gospel of Christ.

Take heed of what God is telling you to build. You may not know exactly how everything will turn out in the end, but if we obey and believe, whatever we build will protect us from the floods this life on earth can bring.

That is God’s heart for us, to protect us, save us, carry us into new seasons and new opportunities.

So, keep building, because the flood is coming.

With Love,

Cinder

“By faith Noah, being warned by God about things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household…” Hebrews 11:7

How God Taught me to Love the Church

I’ve hesitated a long time to write on this topic. Today, I very much love God’s church. But this wasn’t always the case. After years of heartache, I grew to hate the Church and to despise Christians. Every time I approached the Church, my heart pounded in my chest. Sunday after Sunday, I dreaded entering the doors.

Today, it is a very different story. I cannot imagine my life without God’s church. Sunday is my favorite day of the week and my closest friends are Christians. And because of this, and because of what God has taught me about His Church, I hesitate to cast a negative light on it.

But the truth of the matter is there are many people who feel the way I did so many years ago. They have been hurt, abused, neglected and trampled over by God’s church. They have turned away from the Church because of their pain. I understand it. And I believe it’s important to share my story so others can see that there is hope.

My story begins when my mother herself returned to the Lord and His Church. I was about 6 or so years old. I remember really loving the church, especially the worship. I would run to the front with my little tambourine and just dance and sing. It was awesome.

Since then, I’ve been a part of 6 different churches in two different cities. I’ll be 40 years old in May of this year, so I have seen a lot of things in those years inside the church: extramarital affairs, mishandling of church funds, nasty church splits, pastors publicly shaming other pastors, drug addictions, gossip, pride, nepotism and I could go on and on.

And in those many years, I have been hurt as well. Personally. Intentionally.

Sunday after Sunday I was called a wolf in sheeps clothing.

I was told repeatedly that God was going to unmask me and publicly shame me.

I was in a bathroom stall once when I overheard a conversation between two supposed friends of mine where they called me a “slut”.

I received “prophetic” word numerous times that I would have a child out of wedlock because I was promiscuous. (I married at 26, childless and a virgin y’all). And my husband and I didn’t have our first child until three years later when I was 29! But the fact of the matter is, even if I had a child out of wedlock, Jesus would still love me.

I had leaders tell other members of the Church to be careful with me because I was dangerous and a bad influence.

I’ve been yelled at, ridiculed, shamed, lied about and the list goes on.

I could add many more examples of pain and hurt I endured inside the church. Years worth.

So why did I stay? Why did I keep going back? In the span of those years from 6 until 40, I never stopped attending a church. Why? Because I knew what God said in Scripture about the Church and gathering as a Church.

But I eventually did hit a breaking point. I remember one day, with my heart ripped to shreds and hot tears rushing down my face, I literally yelled at God, “I HATE YOUR PEOPLE!! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM!! I HATE YOUR CHURCH!! I LOVE YOU, BUT I HATE THEM!!” And I cried until I could cry no more and I fell asleep in my agony.

But God didn’t leave me there. He spoke to me. Not right away and not one time, but many times over many years. “You hate them, but I love them. And you can’t truly love me until you love them too.”

Let me tell you, it took me years. A lot of years to forgive and more years to trust and a lot more years to love.

So how did God do it? Well, he showed me exactly what the Church is, what it means to Him and what He’s willing to do for it.

In the book of Hosea, God instructs him to marry an unfaithful woman. A woman who would time and time again leave him, sleep with other men, and God would instruct Hosea to go back and bring her back home to him. And in that story, God showed me His immense love for His Church.

His Church, full of flaws, unfaithful, sinful…A Church He loves so much He literally did everything to rescue her.

Those people who hurt me, God loves them with a never ending love.

You see, just as they are the Church, the flawed, unfaithful church, so am I. And God will go to the cross for them a thousand times over, just as He would for me.

It wasn’t God and me against the Church. It was just me against the Church and God telling me to love it.

So I started praying for them. I stopped asking God to punish them, and started asking God to bless them, to prosper their marriages, their businesses, their churches.

And I began to see them as God sees them. Flawed, unfaithful, imperfect, sinful…loved, redeemed, forgiven. He saw them exactly how He sees me. With mercy and love.

That Christian who hurt you, God loves them.

That pastor who offended you, God loves them.

That leader who pushed you down, God loves them.

That friend who stabbed you in the back, God loves them.

God loves them just as much as He loves you. And He would endure the most painful and humiliating of deaths to redeem them, just as He did for you.

Once we can wrap our minds around that, we can start learning how to love the Church.

That is why I make it a point not to join in the stone throwing when a pastor falls from grace or a Christian stumbles. I pray for God’s restoration. God’s heart is for them, not against them.

And looking back on those hard years now, I can see all the value and lessons I learned from them.

You don’t have to stay in a church that is hurting you. But don’t abandon the church all together. Find a church where you will be loved. Keep praying for those who have hurt and offended you. Pray God restores them. Pray God blesses them. Pray they become the church God wants them to be.

Where there is anger, pray.

Where there is hurt, pray.

Where there is bitterness, pray.

God loves His church. God will never give up on it. God will always rescue His church. And that includes all the flawed people that come along with it. And if we want to wholly and truly love God, we must love His Church too.

With Love,
Cinder

“After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” -Ephesians 5:29

Hope Beyond Shame

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-3.

This is one of my favorite Bible verses because it paints a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. People coming together in support and love of one another. Someone toppling under the weight of struggle and their fellow Christians rushing to their aid to help make their burden lighter. It’s beautiful…if you’re the Christian coming to the aid of another. But what if you’re the one struggling to get on your feet?

We all want to be the knight in shining armor riding in on their white horse to rescue another. We want to be the hero. We don’t want to be the victim. So when we become victims of our circumstances, of our own foolish behaviors or our mistakes, it’s difficult to come forward and seek help. We want to keep our shame in darkness, hidden from others. But there’s only one who operates in darkness, and it isn’t God.

If you’re struggling under the weight of a burden, whether through fault of your own or not, do not allow shame to keep it hidden away. Once you bring it out into the light, the body of Christ will help you carry the load. However, you need to be selective with whom you entrust with certain parts of your private life. Just because you should not be ashamed to come forward for help doesn’t mean you need to broadcast it to the entire world around you. Too many voices can drown out sound advice.

So who can you trust?

This is a question my husband and I asked ourselves when we were at our breaking point and desperately needed help with the load. We asked ourselves some key questions to help us narrow down the people we would turn to for advice.

Who has given good testimony in our community?

A testimony is evidence or proof provided by the existence or appearance of something. Essentially, we were searching for someone who had a reputation of being discrete and had verifiable good character. In other words, we didn’t want to know them as people who spread other peoples business. If you hear them speak of others like: “So and so told me that so and so…blah, blah…”, then that’s probably not the person who is going to keep your issues confidential. Don’t think that someone who is telling you someone else’s personal business is going to keep your business personal. Find someone who is a vault. Then you’ll be sure your business will be safeguarded.

Who is rooted in Scripture?

We were looking for that person who, no matter what you’re facing or how your day is going, they’re gonna quote you some Scripture! You say good morning and they respond, “Today is the day the Lord has made!” Hallelujah! Yes!! 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” We were searching for someone who has Scripture very evidently engraved in their heart because then we’d be assured that their words of advice and counsel would be planted in Godly wisdom.

Who has relatable life experience?

This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve been through exactly what you’ve been through, but they’ve been through some stuff! When someone has walked a similar path before you, they’ve learned valuable lessons along the way. We’re married, so we wanted to speak to a married couple so we could get both the husband and wife perspective. One of our struggles is with finances, so we also wanted a couple who is financially stable. Whatever your issue may be, talking to someone with a relatable life experience may prove to be helpful.

With all of those things taken into consideration and after some discussion, we knew exactly who to speak to. The couple we selected to help us carry this load were Karyn and Bob. They are leaders in our church family, have an excellent testimony of trustworthiness and we knew that they would listen to our issues without judgement and give sound advice rooted in Scripture and love. They also would not sugarcoat the reality of our situation and lay it to us honestly. They would pray with us, check in with us and love us through all the peaks and valleys. They exemplified what the body of Christ is and how it’s designed to function.

Left to right: Jorge Gasca, Cinder Gasca, Karyn Stephan, Robert Stephan

Still, this was a big deal for us because we were so embarrassed to open up about it with anyone! Yeah, people probably knew we weren’t Rockefeller’s, but just the idea of revealing the intimate details of our struggles, our arguments, our finances was extremely difficult. But one Sunday after church, we had lunch with Karyn and Bob and we laid it out for them. We spoke about our struggles and our arguments in detail and they listened to us with understanding, patience and love.

Let me tell you, after that talk we felt lighter. We felt…like a burden had been lifted! Why? Because Galatians 6:1-3. The body of Christ was there for us and they helped carry our burden. As a result, we now have a new hope that we can get through this. As our Pastor says, we aren’t meant to do life alone. God planted us in a body, in a community so the harshness of life can be a bit easier to navigate. That first step we took cast a light on our shame, which led to the step to invest into the Dave Ramsey program, which led to the step of writing our first budget together, which will lead to other steps we’ll take that will change our future.

It all starts with that first bold step to reject shame and cast light where there is darkness.

How Grace Overcomes Stress

It had finally arrived! I thought for a second to wait until my husband got home to open up the box, but only for a second. Then I ripped it open.

There it was. The answer to our prayers. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University! We had struggled in the past to come to an accord in our finances, but Dave was going to show us the way!

After the kids were in bed we played Lesson 1. I soon realized that I had NO idea what we were getting into. Dave’s program is wonderful, no doubt. But what I wasn’t anticipating was that this program isn’t just about money. It’s about discipline, structure and changing lifelong bad habits.

For some people, drawing up a budget and sticking to it is no big deal. For us, it is definitely a huge deal. We hadn’t written a budget together for a very long, long time (like, a long time). Whenever we tried, someone would end up crying (not me…just kidding), there would be pointing of fingers, pens flying across the table, someone eventually stomping away and the mighty slamming of doors (definitely me).

One point Dave Ramsey made almost emphatically in Lesson 1 was: “This is going to be HARD. You’re not going to get it right the first time. You will make mistakes. Have grace for one another.”

We did great! For a few days. We drew up our first budget together without any quarreling, which was a major victory for us. But as the days and weeks rolled on by, the stress of this new lifestyle that had been brooding beneath the surface bubbled over and all the warnings to have grace for one another were shot, killed and buried.

Grace.was.dead.

When the dust settled, we came together and made peace. We knew that we wanted to get our finances in order and we didn’t want to fight about it along the way. If we wanted to come out of this financial makeover with our marriage intact we had to heed Dave’s advice. We had to have grace for one another.

In Scripture grace means undeserved favor. Most Christians are familiar with this definition. However, I found an important meaning of grace in the dictionary.

In the dictionary, grace is defined as being refined. This definition refers to a person’s personality, character, temperament or composure. Essentially, the way they conduct and carry themselves. If we dig into the meaning of refined, we learn that it is defined as the removal of impurities or undesirable elements. In essence, a person who has grace or is graceful (full of grace) is refined and composed…at all times.

Under this definition, having grace for someone is much more about MY character than THEIRS. (Light bulb!)

If I want to activate grace for my husband as we navigate through this season, then I have to allow the Holy Spirit to refine ME, remove MY impurities and compose MY temperament. I must be willing to not only forgive him for his failings, but I must also be willing to examine my own. I must allow the Holy Spirit to work in MY weaknesses. If I am to have grace in the moments of strife, I have to let the Holy Spirit work in me.

In doing so, grace will protect us from the enemy’s plan to disrupt and destroy our marriage. That may sound dramatic, but we know that the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy any chance he gets. Having grace is a tool we can use to disrupt his plans.

My husband and I are at the beginning of this process and a long, winding road is still before us. As a couple, we’ve decided that we will not allow stress to kill grace. We have decided that grace must always win. Grace is not going to remove the stress and pressure of this season for us, but what it will do is ensure that the stress will not set us against one another.

Will we always get it right? Nope. But God’s grace will always pull us through.

He still multiplies your fish and loaves

There we were, my husband, myself and our four kids still strapped in their car seats, in the grocery store parking lot, writing a grocery list and counting out the weeks grocery budget. In retrospect, we probably should have done that at home so our kids wouldn’t be going crazy in the backseat of our van waiting for us to hash out the details. Live and learn.

As I made the list and counted our budget, I began crossing off some items. Cereal? Yeah, right. Couldn’t afford it. Lean beef? Why, that’s a luxury only Kings and Queens could afford! Was it too late to find a local food bank? We sat there, my husband and I, looking at each other, wondering how we were going to make it work.

You may be wondering what our weekly budget actually was. My husband and I recently started a financial course and we made a very limited budget of many expenses, including groceries. So, with some embarrassment, I will admit our budget was $50. No, you didn’t read that wrong. Nope, I didn’t forget to add a 1 to the beginning or much less a 0 at the end. Fifty U.S. dollars was all we had for groceries that week. And with it, we had to feed ourselves and our three kids (we have an infant who is nursed, so he doesn’t count in our grocery list).

“I don’t want to feed them crap.” I blurted out as we continued to cross out items and adding up estimated prices. I imagined filling up our cart with cases of Ramen noodles (in assorted flavors, of course).

We are told that if we cannot afford organic produce, grass fed beef, wild caught fish, cage free eggs and non-hormone, non-antibiotic injected poultry, then our only other choice for sustenance is bottom shelf processed foods, frozen meals and junk food. I didn’t know how I would feed my kids good quality, inexpensive food, but I knew I did not want to feed them junk.

Mexican style star soup (Sopa de Estrella)

I thought back to my childhood. I was blessed to grow up in a home with parents who were and are both amazing cooks. And even when they were tight on finances, they always fed us warm,  delicious, home cooked meals. Many of those meals are still my favorites today.

I knew I wanted to feed my kids produce and good quality meals, like my parents had always managed to feed us.

So, with that in mind, here is the list we came up with (and the actual prices):

– 2 cantaloupes $1.96

– 2.62 lb of bananas $1.15

– .84 lb of Roma tomatoes $0.82

– 3 lb Granny Smith apples $2.98

– 1 lb mini carrots $0.78

– 2 iceburg lettuce $1.56

– 3 cucumbers $1.14

– 4 lb pinto beans $2.98

– 5 lb white rice $2.32

– 50 yellow corn tortillas $1.88

– 20 flour tortillas $1.88

– 8 cans of tomato sauce $4.64

– 1 gallon chocolate milk $3.06

– 2 packets bacon $5.58

– 2 10lb bags of chicken quarters $10.94

– 36 ct large eggs $5.88

Total: $49.55

So, we unloaded our kids, list in hand, a heaviness in our hearts and marched into the grocery store. We walked up and down isles, grabbing our pre-determined items and crossing them off our list.

As we went about our shopping, my husband and I looked around. We noticed we were the only ones with a list. It felt as if we were the only ones in the entire store nickel and diming every item we selected. We felt defeated and depressed. We felt like failures as parents and people. The shame washed over us. How would we make this work? Would we make it to the end of the week?

But we continued on, placing our items in our cart, crossing off our list and checked out. We got home and our kids joyfully helped us unload our weekly groceries.

Once all our groceries were put away, we sat our kids down and told them that this was all the food we had for the week. We had to make it last and not waste anything, because this was it. “We’re going to make the best of it.” I told them.

Let me tell you, our little people took it all in amazing stride. Probably because their tummies were filled with my delicious food (pats self on back).  They were so great, that when my four-year-old complained about a lunch, his older brother reiterated, “We have to make the best of it.” Proud mommy moment right there.

Stewed shredded chicken and rice

So, how did we do it? Let me tell you, I was afraid. I was not sure how we were going to make it. I had absolutely no idea how  I could make these groceries stretch all week. So I presented my two fish and five loaves of bread (figuratively speaking) to the Lord and prayed He would multiply it. And as always, the Lord not only came through, but we ate better than I could have ever expected AND we had food left over.

I will break down what I made and what we ate. I’ll include some explanation for some foods that may not be common and I’ll indicate with an * foods that I carried over from the week before.

So Monday is when we went shopping, so that day I only made dinner out of the groceries we bought. I got home, chopped up our cantaloupes and sorted out the chicken quarters and bacon into six packages for six days.

This was our menu:

Monday- Dinner: Baked chicken quarters with steamed broccoli* and rice

Tuesday- Breakfast: waffles*. Lunch: bean and cheese tacos, chocolate milk. Dinner: Puerto Rican pollo guisado (chicken stew), rice

Wednesday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles*, chocolate milk. Lunch: quesadillas, cucumber, apple slices, baby carrots. Dinner: tilapia*, rice, baby carrots, cucumber.

Thursday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, chocolate milk. Lunch: entomatadas (corn tortillas cut into triangles, sauteed with tomato sauce and topped with mozzarella* cheese), refried beans and star soup* (Mexican style). Dinner: stewed shredded chicken, salad and rice

Friday: Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, French toast. Lunch: cold cuts*, cucumbers, baby carrots and cheese. Dinner: Left overs

Saturday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, cantaloupe, apple slices. Lunch: star soup, PB&J* sandwiches, cucumber, carrots, apple slices. Dinner: (This was my husband’s birthday, so my mother-in-law treated us to dinner at IHOP)

Sunday- Breakfast: waffles*. Lunch: star soup. Dinner: roasted chicken, steamed broccoli*, stir fried potatoes and veggies.

Monday (one week later and we still have food) Breakfast: scrambled eggs. Lunch: pb&j* sandwiches, apple slices, cucumbers. Dinner: stewed shredded chicken, rice and salad.

Roasted chicken, steamed broccoli and stir fried potatoes and veggies

Now, I know a $50 a week budget for food for our size family is not a workable budget long term. I had a few things in my fridge and pantry from the week before that helped us fill the gaps. But for this week, we made it. God pulled us through and He didn’t allow us to eat scraps. He fed us well and He multiplied what we had.

A week that started with a feeling of shame and defeat, God turned into hope and joy. He renewed our trust in Him as a God who not only provides, but provides well.

As we continue to work on our finances and use a budget, we know that what we present to God, He will multiply.

Trust in God. He is faithful and worthy of our trust.