How Grace Overcomes Stress

It had finally arrived! I thought for a second to wait until my husband got home to open up the box, but only for a second. Then I ripped it open.

There it was. The answer to our prayers. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University! We had struggled in the past to come to an accord in our finances, but Dave was going to show us the way!

After the kids were in bed we played Lesson 1. I soon realized that I had NO idea what we were getting into. Dave’s program is wonderful, no doubt. But what I wasn’t anticipating was that this program isn’t just about money. It’s about discipline, structure and changing lifelong bad habits.

For some people, drawing up a budget and sticking to it is no big deal. For us, it is definitely a huge deal. We hadn’t written a budget together for a very long, long time (like, a long time). Whenever we tried, someone would end up crying (not me…just kidding), there would be pointing of fingers, pens flying across the table, someone eventually stomping away and the mighty slamming of doors (definitely me).

One point Dave Ramsey made almost emphatically in Lesson 1 was: “This is going to be HARD. You’re not going to get it right the first time. You will make mistakes. Have grace for one another.”

We did great! For a few days. We drew up our first budget together without any quarreling, which was a major victory for us. But as the days and weeks rolled on by, the stress of this new lifestyle that had been brooding beneath the surface bubbled over and all the warnings to have grace for one another were shot, killed and buried.

Grace.was.dead.

When the dust settled, we came together and made peace. We knew that we wanted to get our finances in order and we didn’t want to fight about it along the way. If we wanted to come out of this financial makeover with our marriage intact we had to heed Dave’s advice. We had to have grace for one another.

In Scripture grace means undeserved favor. Most Christians are familiar with this definition. However, I found an important meaning of grace in the dictionary.

In the dictionary, grace is defined as being refined. This definition refers to a person’s personality, character, temperament or composure. Essentially, the way they conduct and carry themselves. If we dig into the meaning of refined, we learn that it is defined as the removal of impurities or undesirable elements. In essence, a person who has grace or is graceful (full of grace) is refined and composed…at all times.

Under this definition, having grace for someone is much more about MY character than THEIRS. (Light bulb!)

If I want to activate grace for my husband as we navigate through this season, then I have to allow the Holy Spirit to refine ME, remove MY impurities and compose MY temperament. I must be willing to not only forgive him for his failings, but I must also be willing to examine my own. I must allow the Holy Spirit to work in MY weaknesses. If I am to have grace in the moments of strife, I have to let the Holy Spirit work in me.

In doing so, grace will protect us from the enemy’s plan to disrupt and destroy our marriage. That may sound dramatic, but we know that the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy any chance he gets. Having grace is a tool we can use to disrupt his plans.

My husband and I are at the beginning of this process and a long, winding road is still before us. As a couple, we’ve decided that we will not allow stress to kill grace. We have decided that grace must always win. Grace is not going to remove the stress and pressure of this season for us, but what it will do is ensure that the stress will not set us against one another.

Will we always get it right? Nope. But God’s grace will always pull us through.

He still multiplies your fish and loaves

There we were, my husband, myself and our four kids still strapped in their car seats, in the grocery store parking lot, writing a grocery list and counting out the weeks grocery budget. In retrospect, we probably should have done that at home so our kids wouldn’t be going crazy in the backseat of our van waiting for us to hash out the details. Live and learn.

As I made the list and counted our budget, I began crossing off some items. Cereal? Yeah, right. Couldn’t afford it. Lean beef? Why, that’s a luxury only Kings and Queens could afford! Was it too late to find a local food bank? We sat there, my husband and I, looking at each other, wondering how we were going to make it work.

You may be wondering what our weekly budget actually was. My husband and I recently started a financial course and we made a very limited budget of many expenses, including groceries. So, with some embarrassment, I will admit our budget was $50. No, you didn’t read that wrong. Nope, I didn’t forget to add a 1 to the beginning or much less a 0 at the end. Fifty U.S. dollars was all we had for groceries that week. And with it, we had to feed ourselves and our three kids (we have an infant who is nursed, so he doesn’t count in our grocery list).

“I don’t want to feed them crap.” I blurted out as we continued to cross out items and adding up estimated prices. I imagined filling up our cart with cases of Ramen noodles (in assorted flavors, of course).

We are told that if we cannot afford organic produce, grass fed beef, wild caught fish, cage free eggs and non-hormone, non-antibiotic injected poultry, then our only other choice for sustenance is bottom shelf processed foods, frozen meals and junk food. I didn’t know how I would feed my kids good quality, inexpensive food, but I knew I did not want to feed them junk.

Mexican style star soup (Sopa de Estrella)

I thought back to my childhood. I was blessed to grow up in a home with parents who were and are both amazing cooks. And even when they were tight on finances, they always fed us warm,  delicious, home cooked meals. Many of those meals are still my favorites today.

I knew I wanted to feed my kids produce and good quality meals, like my parents had always managed to feed us.

So, with that in mind, here is the list we came up with (and the actual prices):

– 2 cantaloupes $1.96

– 2.62 lb of bananas $1.15

– .84 lb of Roma tomatoes $0.82

– 3 lb Granny Smith apples $2.98

– 1 lb mini carrots $0.78

– 2 iceburg lettuce $1.56

– 3 cucumbers $1.14

– 4 lb pinto beans $2.98

– 5 lb white rice $2.32

– 50 yellow corn tortillas $1.88

– 20 flour tortillas $1.88

– 8 cans of tomato sauce $4.64

– 1 gallon chocolate milk $3.06

– 2 packets bacon $5.58

– 2 10lb bags of chicken quarters $10.94

– 36 ct large eggs $5.88

Total: $49.55

So, we unloaded our kids, list in hand, a heaviness in our hearts and marched into the grocery store. We walked up and down isles, grabbing our pre-determined items and crossing them off our list.

As we went about our shopping, my husband and I looked around. We noticed we were the only ones with a list. It felt as if we were the only ones in the entire store nickel and diming every item we selected. We felt defeated and depressed. We felt like failures as parents and people. The shame washed over us. How would we make this work? Would we make it to the end of the week?

But we continued on, placing our items in our cart, crossing off our list and checked out. We got home and our kids joyfully helped us unload our weekly groceries.

Once all our groceries were put away, we sat our kids down and told them that this was all the food we had for the week. We had to make it last and not waste anything, because this was it. “We’re going to make the best of it.” I told them.

Let me tell you, our little people took it all in amazing stride. Probably because their tummies were filled with my delicious food (pats self on back).  They were so great, that when my four-year-old complained about a lunch, his older brother reiterated, “We have to make the best of it.” Proud mommy moment right there.

Stewed shredded chicken and rice

So, how did we do it? Let me tell you, I was afraid. I was not sure how we were going to make it. I had absolutely no idea how  I could make these groceries stretch all week. So I presented my two fish and five loaves of bread (figuratively speaking) to the Lord and prayed He would multiply it. And as always, the Lord not only came through, but we ate better than I could have ever expected AND we had food left over.

I will break down what I made and what we ate. I’ll include some explanation for some foods that may not be common and I’ll indicate with an * foods that I carried over from the week before.

So Monday is when we went shopping, so that day I only made dinner out of the groceries we bought. I got home, chopped up our cantaloupes and sorted out the chicken quarters and bacon into six packages for six days.

This was our menu:

Monday- Dinner: Baked chicken quarters with steamed broccoli* and rice

Tuesday- Breakfast: waffles*. Lunch: bean and cheese tacos, chocolate milk. Dinner: Puerto Rican pollo guisado (chicken stew), rice

Wednesday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles*, chocolate milk. Lunch: quesadillas, cucumber, apple slices, baby carrots. Dinner: tilapia*, rice, baby carrots, cucumber.

Thursday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, chocolate milk. Lunch: entomatadas (corn tortillas cut into triangles, sauteed with tomato sauce and topped with mozzarella* cheese), refried beans and star soup* (Mexican style). Dinner: stewed shredded chicken, salad and rice

Friday: Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, French toast. Lunch: cold cuts*, cucumbers, baby carrots and cheese. Dinner: Left overs

Saturday- Breakfast: scrambled eggs, cantaloupe, apple slices. Lunch: star soup, PB&J* sandwiches, cucumber, carrots, apple slices. Dinner: (This was my husband’s birthday, so my mother-in-law treated us to dinner at IHOP)

Sunday- Breakfast: waffles*. Lunch: star soup. Dinner: roasted chicken, steamed broccoli*, stir fried potatoes and veggies.

Monday (one week later and we still have food) Breakfast: scrambled eggs. Lunch: pb&j* sandwiches, apple slices, cucumbers. Dinner: stewed shredded chicken, rice and salad.

Roasted chicken, steamed broccoli and stir fried potatoes and veggies

Now, I know a $50 a week budget for food for our size family is not a workable budget long term. I had a few things in my fridge and pantry from the week before that helped us fill the gaps. But for this week, we made it. God pulled us through and He didn’t allow us to eat scraps. He fed us well and He multiplied what we had.

A week that started with a feeling of shame and defeat, God turned into hope and joy. He renewed our trust in Him as a God who not only provides, but provides well.

As we continue to work on our finances and use a budget, we know that what we present to God, He will multiply.

Trust in God. He is faithful and worthy of our trust.