It had finally arrived! I thought for a second to wait until my husband got home to open up the box, but only for a second. Then I ripped it open.
There it was. The answer to our prayers. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University! We had struggled in the past to come to an accord in our finances, but Dave was going to show us the way!
After the kids were in bed we played Lesson 1. I soon realized that I had NO idea what we were getting into. Dave’s program is wonderful, no doubt. But what I wasn’t anticipating was that this program isn’t just about money. It’s about discipline, structure and changing lifelong bad habits.
For some people, drawing up a budget and sticking to it is no big deal. For us, it is definitely a huge deal. We hadn’t written a budget together for a very long, long time (like, a long time). Whenever we tried, someone would end up crying (not me…just kidding), there would be pointing of fingers, pens flying across the table, someone eventually stomping away and the mighty slamming of doors (definitely me).
One point Dave Ramsey made almost emphatically in Lesson 1 was: “This is going to be HARD. You’re not going to get it right the first time. You will make mistakes. Have grace for one another.”
We did great! For a few days. We drew up our first budget together without any quarreling, which was a major victory for us. But as the days and weeks rolled on by, the stress of this new lifestyle that had been brooding beneath the surface bubbled over and all the warnings to have grace for one another were shot, killed and buried.
Grace.was.dead.
When the dust settled, we came together and made peace. We knew that we wanted to get our finances in order and we didn’t want to fight about it along the way. If we wanted to come out of this financial makeover with our marriage intact we had to heed Dave’s advice. We had to have grace for one another.
In Scripture grace means undeserved favor. Most Christians are familiar with this definition. However, I found an important meaning of grace in the dictionary.
In the dictionary, grace is defined as being refined. This definition refers to a person’s personality, character, temperament or composure. Essentially, the way they conduct and carry themselves. If we dig into the meaning of refined, we learn that it is defined as the removal of impurities or undesirable elements. In essence, a person who has grace or is graceful (full of grace) is refined and composed…at all times.
Under this definition, having grace for someone is much more about MY character than THEIRS. (Light bulb!)
If I want to activate grace for my husband as we navigate through this season, then I have to allow the Holy Spirit to refine ME, remove MY impurities and compose MY temperament. I must be willing to not only forgive him for his failings, but I must also be willing to examine my own. I must allow the Holy Spirit to work in MY weaknesses. If I am to have grace in the moments of strife, I have to let the Holy Spirit work in me.
In doing so, grace will protect us from the enemy’s plan to disrupt and destroy our marriage. That may sound dramatic, but we know that the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy any chance he gets. Having grace is a tool we can use to disrupt his plans.
My husband and I are at the beginning of this process and a long, winding road is still before us. As a couple, we’ve decided that we will not allow stress to kill grace. We have decided that grace must always win. Grace is not going to remove the stress and pressure of this season for us, but what it will do is ensure that the stress will not set us against one another.
Will we always get it right? Nope. But God’s grace will always pull us through.
Cinder Gasca 